Psychology : How your childhood affects your adulthood

 1. Attraction to unhealthy relationships

Those who experienced trauma in childhood are more likely to be attractive to unhealthy, abusive people, as these individuals fit their trauma identity, which can often lead to a new cycle of trauma and past abusive memories and feelings.

These individuals are aware of their past and know what they need and want, but still choose to connect with people who can lead them down the wrong path due to their unconscious influences from their childhood.

2. Codependency

If your parents were highly strict, you may grow up to be codependent.

Parents who are:

- Reluctant to see their child's struggle

- Controlling details of their child's life

- Involving kids in grown-up conflicts

- Using "yelling" as control tactics

Even if they mean well, or believe they're doing what's best, this type of parenting has harmful side effects, a big one being that you're more likely to grow up codependent.

3. Mental health disorders

Childhood trauma is strongly linked to depression, substance use disorder, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health issues in adulthood.

Adults who experienced childhood mistreatment and didn't cope well with it, have higher rates of depression, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and aggressive behavior.

Traumatic childhood events also contribute to increased drug use and dependence

4. High romantic demands

Every child assume their parents are soulmates, but this isn't always the case.

If your parents separated specially in your early childhood, you're more likely to expect your partner to show higher levels of loyalty, morality, and compassion so you can trust them better.

5. Poor communication skills

If parents tend to watch too much TV with their kids instead of reading books to them, it can suppress the child's communicational skills.

Studies report a link between TV and language development in children. The more time kids spend watching television, the more slowly they learn to talk.

When parent and child watch TV together, the parent makes fewer comments to the child, where as if they read to the child, it promotes the child to ask questions. AKA, we engage them in one-on-one conversation.

Determination feeds FOCUS. 

Determine your goal. Stay focused. 

• make time for stillness 

• master over your mind 

• practice decision-making skills

Think like a scientist.

10 powerful paradoxes of life:

 10 powerful paradoxes of life:

1 - The Paradox of Failure

You have to fail more to succeed more. Our greatest moments of growth often stem directly from our greatest moments of failure. Don’t fear failure. Learn to fail smart and fast—never fail the same way twice. Always put yourself in the arena.

2 - The Paradox of Persuasion

Ever notice that the most argumentative people rarely persuade anyone of anything? Persuasive people don’t argue—they observe, listen, and ask questions. Argue less, persuade more. Persuasion is an art that requires a paintbrush, not a sledgehammer.

3 - The Paradox of Productivity

Work longer, get less done. Parkinson's Law says that work expands to fill the time available for its completion. When you establish fixed hours to work, you'll find unproductive ways to fill it. Work like a lion instead—sprint, rest, repeat.

4 - The Paradox of Effort

You have to put in more effort to make something appear effortless. Effortless, elegant performances are simply the result of a large volume of consistent, effortful practice. Small things become big things. Simple is not simple.

5 - The Paradox of Wisdom

“The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know." - Albert Einstein. The more you learn, the more you are exposed to the immense unknown. This should be empowering, not frightening. Embrace your own ignorance—embrace lifelong learning.

6 - The Paradox of Advice

Taking more advice can leave you less well-equipped. Most advice sucks. It's well-intentioned, but it's dangerous to use someone else's map of reality to navigate. Winners develop filters and selectively implement advice—take the signal, skip the noise.

7 - The Paradox of Social Media

More connectedness, less connected. Social media has created more connectedness than ever before—a constant dopamine drip. We have more connectedness, but we feel less connected to those around us. Schedule time to disconnect, feel the connection.

8 - The Paradox of Speed

What allows a Formula 1 driver to fly around the track? It's not the engine, the tires, or the suspension. It's the brakes. Strong, reliable brakes allow you to go fast. Build brakes into your life that allow you to accelerate and hit turns without fear.

9 - The Paradox of Opportunity

Take on less, accomplish more. Success doesn’t come from taking on every opportunity. It comes from focusing energy on the opportunities that matter—the 10x opportunities. Time and energy are finite. Say yes to what matters & no to everything else.

10 - The Paradox of Fear

The thing we fear the most is often the thing we most need to do. Fears—when avoided—become limiters on our growth and progress. Make a habit of getting closer to your fears. Treat them as magnets for your energy. You'll find growth on the other side.

***

Those are 10 powerful paradoxes of life.

“If you aren't making waves, you aren't kicking hard enough.”

 

“If you aren't making waves, you aren't kicking hard enough.”

Most people are making life choices from a position of scarcity and fear therefore, they suffer!

Life has many doors to be discovered, never waste your time on the wrong ones.

If one refuses to open, it is not your door! Rejection is an answer to be accepted. 

Never trick yourself into thinking you did everything you could~

"If you want a different result, make different choice".

Never bury yourself in your daily routine and then wondering why you have no options!

Don't talk, act. 
Don't say, show. 
Don't promise, prove.

"Learn to hide your need and show your skills".
 
Winners always find a way because they’re never looking for a way out, just a way to get better or to get to their destination quicker.

Remember!
"Whether you move slowly or with speed, if you are a seeker, you will be a finder.” – Rumi

Wish you a great week ahead.

Simple Framework - School D'nt Taught you...

Learning is the most valuable skill you can develop.

But, school taught you learning was hard and no fun.

Here's a simple framework for you to master anything with ease:

• Growth mindset:

Internalize that you can learn and grow:

• Books

• Coaches

• Online courses

• Business teachers

With a growth mindset, you'll realize you can achieve anything with hard work and time.

No matter what you know today,You can know more tomorrow.

• Type of learner

Know what type of learner you are.

We each learn best in our own unique way:

• Aural

• Social

• Verbal

• Logical

• Solitary

• Physical

• Visual / Spatial

Tailor your method of study to your personal learning style.

• Learning Pyramid

Activities are retained differently. As a rough example:

• 5% listen

• 10% read

• 20% audio visual

• 30% demonstrations

• 50% group discussion

• 75% practice by doing

• 90% teaching to others

Work your way up the ladder to retain more.

• Draw a map ; You want to answer three questions:

• What do you want to learn

• Why do you want to learn it

• How are you going to learn it

Interview people who've done what you want or read what you can about them in books or online.

A crap map is better than no map.

Take note of the:

• Concepts to understand

• Procedures to practice

• Facts to memorize

If available, base your plan on already existing plans and modify as needed. As a general rule of thumb, keep your planning time to 10% of your total expected project time.

• Focus

To learn, you need to focus.

To focus, use these four techniques:

• Setup your environment

• Pomodoro technique

• Five-minute rule

• Eat the frog

Start with an environment that's set up to be free from what distracts you.

For the Pomodoro technique, break your workday into 25-minute chunks that are broken up by five-minute breaks.

For the 5-minute rule, start something for 5-minutes and you will find you do more.

Eat the frog means you start with your most important task first, always.

• Direct practice

The best way to learn is to practice.

If you want to be good at basketball, play basketball.

If you can't practice directly, practice deliberately:

• Break an activity down into component parts

• Practice those parts that transfer to the main activity

• Drill

Direct practice is good.

Deliberate drills are even better.

Understand what your weaknesses are.

Design drills and practice to attack those weaknesses.

Using our basketball example, focus on specific skills repeatedly, such as 3-point shots and driving to the hoop.

• Retrieval

If you need to study for a test, science shows you should test yourself before you study. 

This will prime you for better results from studying.

Ways to test yourself in advance are:

• free recall

• flashcards

• closed-book method

• Feedback

What separates a poor learner from a good learner is often the immediacy, accuracy, and intensity of feedback provided.

Outcome feedback tells you whether you're improving or not without specific details.

Informational feedback tells you what you're doing wrong but not how to fix it.

Corrective feedback tells you how you can fix what you're doing wrong and normally requires a:

• coach

• mentor

• teacher

• Retention

You need to overcome 3 challenges:

• Decay

• Interference

• Forgotten cues

Our memory decays with time.

When we learn something new, we lose old memories. We interfere with them.

Even if it's not forgotten, we may lose the cue to access the memory.

Some techniques to improve retention are:

• Spacing

• Overlearning

• Proceduralization

For spacing, study for short periods of time at set intervals.

For overlearning, practice beyond perfect.. Go beyond the level of skill required.

For proceduralization, study specific behaviors or information until they become procedural.

Also, always focus on knowing how and why you are learning something over what you are learning.

When you know the why and how, you may find a better way to do it or learn it.

• Intuition

Don't give up on hard problems easily. Work until the problems yield and you will learn more.

Prove things to understand them and understand them by demonstrating them.Always start with a concrete example, it's how humans learn best.

Ask questions, lots of them.

• Feynman technique

Write down the problem or concept

Explain the idea as if teaching it to someone.

When you get stuck or have a gap in your knowledge, study until that gap is removed.

Continue to refine this process until you can explain it to a 5th grader.

The writing framework Jeff Bezos uses (AMAZON Owner)

 Jeff Bezos said:

“There is no way to write a six-page narratively structured memo and not have clear thinking.” 

Here’s the writing framework Bezos uses (that you can too):

Bezos made Amazon into a writing culture by banning powerpoint and forcing everyone to write 6-page memos for meetings.

He called them “narratives.”

Amazon uses a tailored process and specific writing guidelines to make this happen. 

Each memo is structured around the same 6 components:

• Intro

• Goals

• Tenets

• Current state

• Lessons learned

• Strategy

Meeting attendees get 20 min to read the doc. Then they spend the rest of the meeting tearing apart the ideas it presents. After the meeting, the memo owner makes edits and sends out a final version to all involved parties.

From everything I’ve read, it’s a heck of a task and really is required for all meetings. 

To keep it consistent, Amazon uses 7 rules for writing its memos

Use shorter than 30 words per sentence

Constraints drive clear thinking. And the best constraints force you to use less words, not more (sorry, school). If you can explain something in simple terms, you likely understand it well. 

Replace adjectives with data

“Customers love Prime.”

“Customers with Prime spend on average 3x more than those without and we retain 90% of them year over year.”

Specificity leads to clear results and quick decision making.

Pass the “so what” test

The reader should immediately know what action you want them to take.

Make sure to answer who, what, and when.

Otherwise, you’ve wasted your time and the reader’s.

Eliminate weasel words

Most weasel words are adverbs.

“Nearly

“Significantly”

These words are imprecise and nobody knows what they mean. Get rid of them.  As Stephen King says, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.”

Use subject-verb-object sentences

The goal of writing is to transfer your thoughts to another person with as little lost in translation as possible.

It’s a big game of telephone.

The simpler your sentences, the more accurately your ideas will be translated.

Avoid clutter words

Utilize → use

In order to → to

Until such time as → until

Due to the fact → because

Getting rid of clutter focuses your message on the parts that matter.

Avoid jargon and acronyms

Companies are littered with internal jargon.

But this excludes new employees and anyone external to the company.

When wanting to use an acronym, write it out the first time it’s used in any document.

Clear > clever

To me, Amazon’s writing focus does three things:

• Filters for clear thinkers

• Makes knowledge transfer easy

• Eliminates unnecessary meetings

Just imagine how many pointless meetings you’d eliminate if the owner had to write a six page paper.

The 7 core principles of effective organizations.

 Tattoo these on your forehead and run your business like a well-oiled machine:

• Data culture

Data is the new oil, and culture eats strategy for breakfast.

Combine the two, and build a high-performance culture around trust, accountability and data-driven decisions.

Make hitting numbers a game for your teams.

• Clear direction

Have a clear long-term plan and know your next steps.

Build a change story of how you'll get there, and back it up with data. Tell it on every occasion.

When everyone knows the overall direction and their direct contribution, noise turns into focus.

• Process-oriented

Separate repetitive and creative work, and have a clearly mapped primary process.

Standardize or automate as much as possible, so creative energy goes to the few tasks that make a difference.

Don't try to improve what's not consistent.

• Big goals, small steps

Plan action against strategy in 90-day sprints and keep the pace high.

Remember: 3 tasks done well beats 15 done 70%.

• Be 1% better every day

As your organization scales, upgrade tools & processes before they slow your growth.

Center improvement around employee & customer experience.

Work on the business, not just in the business.

• Optimize free cash flow

Cash is king, easy to measure, and everyone understands it.

A focus on cash aligns processes and departments, and gives you fuel for your growth.

Economic downturn or not, earned cash hits differently.

• Right people, right seats

Your life depends on recruiting the right talent for the right positions - act like it.

Make the organizational design match the core values, industry & growth phase.

A single A-player in the right role outperforms a mediocre department.

Stop looking for shortcuts.

Do the right things right, and never look back:

1. Data culture

2. Clear direction

3. Process-oriented

4. Big goals, small steps

5. Be 1% better every day

6. Optimize free cash flow

7. Right people, right seats

Sentences that will make you a better PARENT today.

When your kids ask you to play, the answer is always yes.

Normalize saying I love you to your kids & spouse daily.

Stop overprotecting your kids. Instead teach them the tools to figure it out on their own. 

Your phone is hurting your relationship with your family.

It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults.

If you want your kids to be fit & healthy, lead by example.

If you complain & are negative, your kids will complain & be negative.

Teach your kids "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".

Being a parent is the most important job you will ever have.

Making kids is fun, but it doesn't make you a parent.

Your kids don't care about your promotion at work, your new car or your bank account.

Your kids aren't an excuse for why you can't be healthy & fit. They are the reason you need to get healthy & fit.

Self care is essential to be a great parent.

If you rely on schools to teach your kids everything, your kids will be behind in life.

Screens are not a babysitter.

Prioritizing a strong marriage will give your kids an advantage in life.

Your kids will respect you more if you are in shape.

Listen when your child speaks.

It may seem like nonsense but it isn’t nonsense to them.

Too much screens & sugar just make your job as a parent harder.

Being a present parent is more important than any present you could give your kids.

In the end you won’t wish you spent more time at work.

You’ll wish you spent more time with your family.

There is no greater responsibility than raising the next generation.

With parenting you either win or you learn.

As long as you are trying you don't lose.

Stop over-planning your child's day.

Let them be bored.

The food you feed their kids will impact them for the rest of their lives.

Your words can build your child up, or tear them down.

Choose your words wisely.

Parents who don't have much time for their young kids, wont get to spend much time with them when they're older.

Stop worrying about what is going on outside of your house. Focus on what is going on inside of your house.

If you can’t manage your own emotions, how do you expect your children to manage theirs?

There is zero downside to prioritizing physical fitness with your family.

LETTER TO SELF IF YOU BROKE...

Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. It will not only improve your life, it will improve the lives of all those around you. Push yourself to do more and to experience more. 

Harness your energy to start expanding your dreams. Yes, expand your dreams. 

Don't accept a life of mediocrity when you hold such infinite potential within the fortress of your mind. 

Dare to tap into your greatness.

Never be a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of you future. 

You will never be the same.

Your "I CAN" is more important than your IQ. Everything is created twice, 

first in the mind and then in reality.

Laughter opens your heart and soothes your soul. No one should ever take life so seriously that they forget to laugh at themselves.

It's not what you will get out of the books that is so enriching - it is what the books will get out of you that will ultimately change your life

Success on the outside means nothing unless you also have success within.

Every event has a purpose and every setback its lesson. 

I have realized that failure, whether of the personal, professional or even spiritual kind, is essential to personal expansion. 

It brings inner growth and a whole host of psychic rewards.

one must not allow the clock and the calender to blind him to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle --and mystery

Change is hard at first, Messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.

Take the time to think. 

Discover your real reason for being here and then have the courage to act on it.

10 Powerful Visuals About Psychology & Life