Habit Strong NEVER SETTLE

I started my MBA 10 years after completing my B Tech. And since most of my classmates were much younger, I felt a bit like a dinosaur (in a not-so-cool way). 

If fact, I did derive some mischievous pleasure when I found classmates even more experienced – and therefore even more confused than me :)

But soon, as the classes started and we were deep into lectures, assignments, and tests – none of that seemed to matter. 

When you are learning, there is no senior or junior – there is no young or old. Whatever your background, prior experience, nationality, or skin color – none of that matters.

There is the only thing that matters – you either understand the subject matter, or you don’t. 

Academics destroys your ego – because it is not about who you are, it is about what you know. 

More recently, I have been delighted to see many folks do an MBA after even a 15-20 years gap. I love that they will be sitting with much younger folks and learning together, as equals. 

Sometimes, I feel a craving to do a PhD – I still don’t know why. But I suspect it is just to experience the feeling of being back in the class again – the purity of learning, shorn of all the nonsense of money, rank, power, and pretensions one carries in day-to-day life. 

If you are in school or will be going there soon, do remember that you are privileged. You have something that money or perks can’t buy. So enjoy it while it lasts!  

STORY OF MAN WHO STARTED BUSINESS AFTER SUCKED BY JOB

 I'm not proud of this.

It was long time ago.
 
So don't judge me, when I tell you this.
 
But I was a little unkind to this guy when I used to work in London back in the day. Nice guy but full of stories, he was. 
 
And I don’t mean those stories we love to hear.  His stories were very much fantasies. Pipe dreams. Call them what you will. No action whatsoever. You know the kind?
 
He was 25 yrs old, obsessed with leaving the 9 to 5 and starting his own business. 

"I'm not going to work for someone so else for the rest of my life," he'd repeat every day.
 
And my eyes rolled every time I heard these recycled dreams he called plans.
 
He'd full follow up with, "One day it will happen. I'll be my own boss."
 
And the response in my head was, “I’m not too sure about that. If you were going to do it, you would have done it by now, pal”
 
"People who take risks will reap the rewards later in life," he'd preach.
 
And again I'd shake my head in internally, "Well, I hate to break it to you but you just haven't got what it takes"
 
Then one day, he moved out to Manchester (150 miles north of London).  A new beginning for him he said, but he reiterated that he still had plans to set his own business. Just not now. 

It wasn't quite the right time.
 
Then he got married and had a baby girl. His excuse then was, "I just need a little more time to settle".

And the excuses went on. And on.

Then one day, when his kid turned one, he lost his job. Just like that. And you know what?
 
That hit me like a punch in the gut. I felt sick to the stomach. The news absolutely, floored me.
 
You want to know why?
 
Because that guy was me.
 
See, I used to tell myself stories all the time. I'd sell myself dreams of setting up my own business and doing great things all the time.

But then immediately after, I’d tell myself reasons why I couldn't. This cycle went on.

Imposter syndrome, confidence, job security, fear of failing.....I don't know what it was...Maybe all of them.

But I tell you what. Losing my job forced me to do all the things I wish I'd done sooner. It made me take action. I had no choice. But I made them happen because I also changed my mindset from 'maybe' to 'have to.'

If there's one bit of advice I could give to my 25-year-old self it would be this.
 
When you refuse to let the negative stories stop you from taking action, I promise, amazing things will begin to happen.

How to negotiate with kids (& adults!)

 Negotiation isn’t only about business deals or hostage situations. Ultimately, it’s the skill of working with people. That means everyone should learn negotiation—especially people who work with kids.

Working with kids is all about helping them learn to make good decisions. And that’s what a good negotiator does too. They partner with people to help them think more clearly about their choices.

We tend to get negotiation wrong in 2 ways: 1. We think they’re about making demands 2. We think they’re about balanced compromises These misunderstandings lead to big problems.

First, making demands can lead kids to either rebel or give up. In other words, demands make kids feel like you’re taking away their power. They’ll either refuse and do their own thing or disengage entirely.

Second, a balanced compromise isn’t always the best outcome. Let’s say a teenager wants to go clubbing all night on a Wednesday, but you compromise by letting them stay out late at a friend’s house. That’s balanced but not best. Teenagers need rest, especially on weeknights.

Great negotiators make people feel powerful and autonomous. They help people make the best possible choice by using their own critical thinking to analyze their decisions. But how?!

Here are 4 of Chris’ tactics: 1. Use Your Voice Humans naturally copy the energy of the people they’re around. As a result, you can shape the conversation by *how* you say what you say. Use a positive, playful voice most of the time. It'll help kids feel comfortable and encouraged. When they get anxious/upset, use the late-night FM DJ voice: slow, deep, and calm.

Use an assertive voice sparingly, only for *very* important points because it'll cause pushback.

2. Mirror The best way to help someone think is to force them to reflect on what they’re saying. Don’t critique their wrong ideas. Instead, repeat back to them the last few words from their last sentence. Here’s an example conversation:

Teen: “I want to go clubbing with my friends”

Parent: “with your friends...” Teen: “Yeah, I’ve worked hard this semester and I think I earned a break.” Parent: “earned a break...” Teen: “Well, they’ve asked me a few times and I’ve said no to study” Parent: “no to study...”

Avoid sounding sassy/disapproving. The goal isn’t to shame them or make them feel bad about their thought process. The goal is to keep them talking and open their eyes to their thinking. As a result, you’ll help them analyze whether they’re making good decisions on their own.

3. Label People open up to new ideas when they feel understood. That’s the power of empathy! We often get it wrong by making the conversation about us. We say things like: “Oh man, I know what that’s like.” We’re trying to connect but we actually make others feel unheard. Don’t say you know what they feel. Show it!

Put a label on the emotions you see and then pause. Give them a chance to unpack and explain what they’re feeling. Here’s an example:

Teen: “Please dad, the club would be so much fun.”

Parent: “It sounds like you want to celebrate your hard work with friends.” Teen: “Yes! I’ve studied so much this year that I haven’t been able to spend any time with them. This is our last chance to hang out before graduation”

Labels will give you a chance to verify what you think they’re feeling.

They make others feel like you’re listening and seriously considering their emotions. They also help them develop more self-awareness of their own perspective.

4. Ask Open Questions The last tactic is to ask genuine questions that get kids thinking. For example, instead of saying “No” to the club, you could ask: “How am I supposed to let you stay out so late at a club?”

Start with “how” and make sure it’s an open-ended question, not yes or no. Your goal is to engage them and draw them into the problem-solving process. You’re challenging them to take responsibility to find a better alternative for themselves.

These tactics will help you build a strong relationship as you work through hard problems together. They’re more effective for creating solutions that’re best for everyone. You’re also setting an example for how your kids can work well with other people themselves.

"Razors" - That simplify decisions

 "Razors" are rules of thumb that simplify decisions. Here are 10 of the most valuable razors I've discovered:

The Smart Friends Razor: If your smartest friends are all interested in something, it’s worth paying attention to. If that something seems crazy, it's worth paying a lot of attention to. The passions of the smartest people in your circles are a looking glass into the future.

The Feynman Razor: Complexity and jargon are often used to mask a lack of deep understanding. If you can’t explain it to a 5-year-old, you don’t really understand it. If someone uses a lot of complexity and jargon to explain something to you, they probably don’t understand it.

The Opinion Razor: "I never allow myself to have an opinion on anything that I don’t know the other side’s argument better than they do." - Charlie Munger. Opinions are earned, not owed. If you can't state state the opposition's argument clearly, you haven't earned an opinion.

The Optimist Razor: When choosing who to spend time with, prioritize spending more time with optimists. Pessimists see the doors that are closed. Optimists see the doors that are open—and probably kick down the closed doors. Remember: Pessimists sound smart, optimists get rich.

The Man in the Arena Razor: It's easy to throw rocks the sidelines—it's hard to step into the arena. It's lonely and vulnerable, but it's where growth happens. When faced with two paths, choose the path that puts you in the arena—choose the path with real skin in the game.

The Rooms Razor: If you have a choice between entering two rooms, choose the room where you are more likely to be the dumbest one in the room. Once you are in the room, talk less and listen more. Bad for your ego, great for your growth.

The Serendipity Razor: Some of what we call luck is actually the macro result of 1,000s of micro actions. Your daily habits put you in a position where luck is more likely to strike. When choosing between two paths, choose the path that has a larger serendipity surface area.

The Uphill Decision Razor: When faced with two options, choose the one that’s more difficult in the short-term. Naval calls this making "uphill decisions”—overriding your biological pain avoidance instinct. It's worth it—short-term pain creates compounding long-term gain.

The Rare Opportunity Razor: There is a rare class of opportunities that the average person will get 0 to 1 chances at in their lifetime. They look scary, but have insanely asymmetric return profiles. If you are fortunate to be faced with one of these opportunities, jump at it.

Hitchens’ Razor: What can be asserted without evidence can also be dismissed without evidence. The burden of proof regarding a claim lies with the one who makes the claim. If unmet, no argument is required to dismiss it.